Blood and The Fading
BLOOD
Blood soaks me from head to toe
I feel it in my nose and in my eyes
It stings my eyes it fills my mouth
I pray that this is a dream
But it hurts to much to not be real
I taste a metalic taste in my blood
It must be that I get to much iron in my diet
My friends laugh when I tell them im bleeding
Why are they so mean the blood that they shed is not even in compare to my blood
It leaks like a faucet from my every pore
I pray it to stop
I plead "please stop" it never will
I know I can never ever get out of this hole I've dug by myself
I need your help
I turn to you and you turn away
I feel betrayed but still I do nothing about it
The blood now is creating a small pool at my feet
I scream and cry out for your help
But because you are too busy
You only look over ocasionally to see if I am drowning in my own death crude oil
When you realize I'm not you just turn away again
I scream and cry out in fear and you pretend not to hear it
Because if you cant hear me why should you feel guilty
You never heard me so you can claim inocense
Even though you know that you heard my cries and my screams
And you hear me now as the blood pool reaches my chest
Still I bleed uncontrollably filling my own pool of death
Soon I will no longer be a threat to you because you will not hear my cries
And screams when I drown in the blood I bleed from every pore
Now it comes faster than ever
I cry blood I vomit blood I sweat blood
I die because you are too lazy to save me
And to AFRAID to at least hold me as I DIE
You wont pull me up out of the blood not even after I drown
You will just say you never knew will that be enough though?
Wont your soul eat at you?
Ohh wait if you can let me die alone you have no soul
One day it will come around you will feel what I feel now
Only I would help you as I have in the past
Goodbye I will not be there to help you when this comes up for you
Now though....
Just as you have decided for me I'll die in my blood


The Fading

The blood subsides…

It was above my head drowning my screams

Now I have been pulled out but instead of drowning in death crude I find a new problem.

The fading…..

It started as an almost un-noticeable speck of pure translucence.
It was hidden where my eyes would never see it, hidden where I would never feel it.
My passions held it off. My loves kept it hidden.

Did they keep it hidden or keep me distracted, obstructing my view of the truth?

Hold my hand so it won’t disappear. Touch my lips so I know they are there to tell you I love you. Help me fight the fading because I don’t want to fight it alone.

Fear makes us human. Without fear what is the point of courage.

Courage is the force that pushes me to fight the fading alone. The force that makes me willing to take a bullet for you the ones I love.

With so many jaded on the idea of ‘love’ what makes me think I should remain so optimistic.

Believe in it or not love exists naysayers’. I can’t explain it or show it to you. Only prove it with one fact… When I feel loved the fading subsides.

Right now the fading feels like it has torn a tell tale path of emotional destruction across my back and down my legs.

How do I walk on legs that have faded to the dull gray transparency they have now become? How do I breathe with lungs, no doubt taken in the fading with my chest?

It has reached my neck tonight and the fading will not subside. I can’t fight it alone anymore. Hold my hand up to block the light as I flip the switch but nothing is dampened. I will crawl into a dark corner and hope I don’t fade into nothing before I can say that I love you all…. Say that I love some of you like brothers and sisters and some of you more than that.

I was told once that I have no tact with women… I know why now… I am so afraid of this, the fading that I will be completely honest from the start to make sure you don’t fall for something I’m not. If I say you are beautiful it’s the truth. When I stare at you it is because I am lost in all that I love about you.

And when I don’t speak it’s because I don’t care to lose that moment… I enjoy each and every one of you more than I can ever explain which is why the fading terrifies me… I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose this…

I just want ….

To be…

Current Mood: disappointed

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oooh look
new journal entry ZOMG...

I lost the fight... I'm drinking again

I don't mind it that much

I'm still alone

I mind that a lot

breathing is getting annoying... second poem comming in an entry some time after this one

Current Mood: blank

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hah! that fits

Your clan is a dysfunctional one. That is because you are a Malkavian. Something is poisonous about this clan's blood that drives all those embraced to madness. However, in this madness, you tend to have great insight. Unfortunately, people just take it as senseless ramblings. In every family there is an insane one. You're it. What Vampire Clan Do You Belong To?

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worst possible convo ... ever
gogo boobie JETS: i aM DRYNK
Kitagami DragOn: right well since I am going through alcohol withdrawals we probably shouldn't talk

someone tell me how to cure a headache, cold chills, shakes, nausea, and multiple other symptoms brought on by a chemical dependancy to alcohol... please..

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I bought a dvd to support my girls... my girls arent on said dvd ... now I cry... like an emogayfagmo

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my comment stats
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updated

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Katya tagged me
The five celebrities I find the most attractive:


Beckinsale


Gackt


MYV


Ms. Knightley


Asia


My tags...

renner / hupher / creepy / dupin / joe

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Oomph!
Videos downloaded this week


Brennende Liebe

Augen Auf

Supernova

Swallow

Niemand

Sex Hat Keine Macht


Mmmm Oomph!

been a weird week... like an 8 ball stuck in the back of my throat ...

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one.more.gone.
R.I.P. Christian

I can't take many more

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stolen from da rennah and o.M.a.
"This is the problem with LJ, we all think we are so close, and we know nothing about each other. I'm going to rectify it. I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.

Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you."

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hah

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new theme in honor of the dearly departed

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What an amazing end to one of the greatest unseen or un-noticed legacies in Metal history.

It's sad it ended but it ended on the highest note it's ever hit

Ville Laihiala
Mikka Tenkula
Sami Lopakka
Vesa Ranta
Sami Kukkohovi
The Northernmost Killers Themselves

Much love and best wishes in your future projects and dreams

The Home Grave

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*chuckles*

*runs from Don*

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Which deadly sin do you represent? (Angel Sanctuary Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

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quizzes Mmmm

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

Your Deadly Sins

Wrath: 60%

Lust: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Envy: 0%

Gluttony: 0%

Greed: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die, after conquering the world as an evil dictator.

Your Birthdate: December 28

Your birth on the 28th day of the month (1 energy) adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your Life Path. The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated. A birthday on the 28th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. Unlike much of the other 1 energy, this birthday is one that endow with the ability to start a job and continue on until it is finished. You may prefer to use the broad brush, but you can handle details as well. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and
often try to figure out the meaning of life,
why we are all here etc. You may not be so
social, and often think twice before acting but
those thoughts you have in your mind never stop
flowing in. Sometimes you can be so
concentrated you forget about other things that
you have to do. Don't change, this world needs
deep people.


What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

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Katz Interveiwed me
1) Where did Mani come from?

Mani Shigeru was a character I handled over in the PTC feds.. I only really used him for about 5 months but within his first month in existance he held 4 GW titles. On top of that no one really knew my name because I kinda guarded about it. So it became easier for everyone to just call me Mani

2) What is it about all that freaky music you listen to that makes you love it?

J-Pop/VisKei - I love J-pop's rhythm and beat its just cool to me. Music is an obsession for me I think I'd die without it...

Black Metal - All about the lyrics here. I love the intellectual content of most Black Metal bands.. For an example listen to Katatonia's Viva Emptiness album I have it on mp3s if you want some.

Metalcore - This one is about the pure aggression. ever since I did away with "Mental Mani" I've not had much aggression of my own so I enjoy it

3) If you could acquire one skill magically, what would it be?

Nunchuk skills or bo staff skills... Nah it would probably be the abbility to read when girls are hitting on me... I don't notice unless girls lay it on thick

4) What's your favorite beverage?

cold guinness

5) Where do you live? (sorry, I don't know :P)

Grand Junction Colorado


1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

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New idea here... I will list my LJ friends and then something I like about em

2roadsdiverged - Lindz - Lindz kicks ass and makes me laugh

big6awg - Don - Don feels like a big brother.. Good person to talk to about anything I feel like I can't share with others

boomzdaydevice - Chris - Chris is an idiot.. but a lovable idiot

bridgettedotcom - Bridgette - Bridgette has beautiful eyes.. thats all I know of her besides that she is Francine's friend and Francine is fuckin coolness so why wouldn't Bridgette be right?

buythesnow - Ford! - I loves me some Tom Ford... that is all

descendtodeath - Warren - Warren is almost as dumb as Chris but not quite although I wouldn't trade either of them for a mountain of pizza rolls...

evenflowjoe - Joe - When I was an alchy Joe was my "Oh yeah well I did THIS last night" friend .. now I've stopped and we just talk like regular people... I would GLADLY trade him for a mountain of pizza rolls

huph21 - Steve - Not as sexy as me but man can he kick my ass in Halo

jillianann - Jillian - She is just 5 syllabls INSPIRATIONAL!

ktcakes - Kt! - metal bitch I heart you

littlebird3 - Katz - My sanity when I deplete my small stocks.. Katz keeps me calm and laughing even when Im furious

maikerenna - Mike - Comic Booksh *pushes up glasses* I heart IWD

michaelkdupin - Dupes - I miss him this much >-<

sphere_not_grey - bort - luchalibre wrestling nerd like me I love talking to bort about indie scene stuff and so on

toxic_t0uch - Francine - Enjeru *nods*

travisbeaven - Travis - when I can only ramble sentence fragments I call travis since he will understand 99% of it

valeriansgarden - Pete - I hate on pete all much

wer4idiots - Bort and Renner in the same body I couldnt resist adding them

wippitguud - Chris 2 - wompa gag *nods*

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new pics went up today on myspace.. I like em... they actually look like me...

Francine I re-added you I don't know how you wound up off my list on my space unless you took me off *shrugs*

Bridgette I know it says your myspace is for real life friends only but I added you anyway

Katie thanks for talkin hardcore with me.. 18 visions is pretty good stuff...

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Jillian Ann
http://www.myspace.com/jillianann33

http://www.jillianann.com/

I can say nothing more.. I am spell bound..

You truely are Amazing Jillian

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